Throughout history women have been seen as housewives, nurturers and mothers. Their “natural” role, as deemed by society, is to take care of the home and occupants within it by virtue of their gender and the social processes conflated with giving birth. From this patriarchal notion of motherhood stems certain behaviours and feelings seen as essentialised in the good mother; self-sacrifice, loss of identity, unconditional love, the mother’s place is within the home, selflessness and suffering caused by the bond between mother and child. These ideas of motherhood limit who a woman can be, how she should behave, even where she should behave and with whom. This, however, does not have to be a mother’s fate nor a woman’s predetermined destiny. If society shifts the general perception about motherhood as a biological condition to one as a social construct, i.e., an institution, then women could feel confident in determining their own destiny within motherhood or free from it.
In society stories are often told about women who could have been; she could have been a great pianist, doctor or artist, but, of course, she chose to become a mother instead. This is generally announced as a fait accompli; destined to happen. It is as though society expects a woman to put her own aspirations on the back burner and give of herself to her husband and community, in the way of having children, so the future of both man and empire can be assured. Feminist author Adrienne Rich (1986, 25) admits she felt ashamed having other aspirations and that only in embracing the role society had set out for her could she assuage her guilt. She says, “As soon as I was visibly, and clearly pregnant, I felt, for the first time in my adolescent and adult life, not guilty.” This meant although Rich wanted other things, due to her own expectations of her role in society and those of the community she could only play the role of mother. This may be seen as a product of the time, the sixties, where the idealised versions of motherhood were pushed on women by the media with shows such as the “Brady Bunch” at their peak with perfect, ever smiling stay at home mothers but the role of mother in the home is still popular in modern day sitcoms.
In “Everybody Loves Raymond”, aired every night, Debra is a stay-at-home mum and although not portrayed as perfect she is still shown as striving to be this ideal mother who feels guilty when she doesn’t achieve what is expected of her. In one-episode Debra says she would like to write a book; this is greeted with gales of laughter and then, “that will be a nice hobby” when they realise she is serious. In the end she decides she doesn’t need to do this and is fulfilled enough with her life as wife and mother. This is a show watched by millions still touting the ideology of the stay-at-home mother and how that role should complete a woman. The colonial assumption of women in the home has not been left in the past but has pushed its way into contemporary women’s lives.
Post-colonial expectations do not only affect whether women feel as though they should work in or out of the home but also impacts on them if they do decide to enter the public sphere. As home is a woman’s place, in the view of wider society, the wage gap is still vast in many professions as can be seen in the recent conflict between “Today” show host Lisa Wilkinson and her employers. Wilkinson asked for the same wage as her male co-host who does the same job, but the company said no and said if she didn’t like it, she could leave; she left. It is apparent that still in 2017 when women work outside of the home their work is not as valued as that of their male counterpart. It appears the misogyny factor is alive and well. As Rich (1986, 27), attests her writing was “seen as a luxury, as it brought in no money.” This leaves women in a double bind; when they go out to work they are not seen as valued so are paid less than men yet because they are not paid as much as men their work outside the home is seen as valueless.
It is not only problematic that women are expected to be mothers but are expected to be what society idealises as good mothers. A good mother cooks, cleans and takes care of the children with a smile on her face while looking attractive for her hardworking husband. If a woman can’t live up to these ideals it appears her only alternative, in the domain of motherhood, is to see herself and have society see her as a bad mother. When Rich (1986, 22) feels she does not live up to these ideals she views herself as aberrant saying “Perhaps one is a monster-an anti-woman.” It is as though not living up to these ideals not only makes you a bad mother but also less of a woman.
This dichotomy of motherhood still exists today; in the movie “Bad Moms” there are the moms who nurture and care for their children and the moms who drink and party but still love their children and this latter is labelled bad moms by the first group. Although the moral of the movie is you are a good mom no matter how you act as long as you love your children it still espouses the idea that in motherhood there are only two labels; good or bad.
Controlling women’s behaviour through expectation is not a new form of oppression; states have been manipulating and forcing their subjects, especially women, to perform certain behaviours since there were governments around to do so; this is known as Bio power.
In terms of motherhood states use public health campaigns to reinforce the notion of mother as the hegemonic role women should play in society. States want women to feel motherhood is their predestined role either in the present or future regardless of an individual woman’s plans. It is assumed at some point all women will want to become mothers. This is problematic in several senses; firstly, it places the role of caregiver in the female domain as if the man has nothing to do with the raising of the child but in the conceiving. It is assumed that all women want to be mothers. It is not, however, assumed that all men want to be fathers nor that they will be expected to care for their offspring. Men, it appears, have autonomy over their lives in the eyes of the state in a way that women do not perhaps, in part, because governments are for the most part made up of white males who still assume authority over women. It is also concerning in the sense that it assumes all women want to be mothers; this can make women who do not want to be mothers feel ashamed or abnormal and can even push them into roles they don’t feel at all suited to. Thirdly, it makes heteronormative assumptions about relationships within society; it ignores lesbians, gay men and transgender couples. Within this assumption governments imply couples who are not heterosexual will not want children and also insinuates lesbian and transgender women are less than real women if they don’t want children or can’t give birth to their own.
Women in these campaigns are not only stereotyped as heterosexual but racial stereotypes also come into play. In the “Show Your Love” campaign, a government initiative about preconception health, the advertisements showed all those who intended to get pregnant, planners, as white and in a relationship and all those who accidently got pregnant were portrayed by coloured women and presented as single. This harks back to the colonial assumption of the good woman/bad woman dichotomy where white women are seen as pure, responsible, and domesticated while coloured women are seen as sexually promiscuous. It reinforces the notion that some women are appropriate for marriage based on the colour of their skin while others are not. Governments framing health campaigns in this way reinforces negative stereotypes of coloured women continuing their oppression.
Although states, societies and self-expectations have framed motherhood as the dominant social role for woman and have an idealised notion of this role, these ideas of what is normal for a woman can be changed. One way to do this is to see motherhood not as a biological function but as a social construction; an institution. If motherhood can be constructed it means that it can also be deconstructed. The ideas of what or who women can be can shift by changing the stereotypes that constrain women and mothers. Rather than seeing mothers as either good or bad there needs to be either no labels on motherhood or more categories into which mothers can fit. Motherhood needs to be seen as a more fluid construct rather than a fixed one of dichotomies.
This is also the case when it comes to women and the roles they play in society; women’s work outside the home needs to be more valued so they can feel motherhood is not their only option. In addition, men need to work inside the home as a normative process so the domain of caregiver in not automatically attached to women giving them more freedom to decide their futures. Only when societies and states change their ideas on motherhood and womanhood will women be able to change their expectations of themselves and not feel ashamed to say what they truly want for their future; be that motherhood or not.
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